Author Archive for Sevvy

03
Sep

Jay Cutler vs. the world

Recently, I saw a comparison of Jay Cutler to the NFL greats at the Quarterback position… Montana, Elway, Marino, Fouts, Johnny Unitas, etc.  Those are some enormous shoes to fill.  And I don’t really think it’s fair to compare a guy that’s played 37 games in the NFL, to guys that have been enshrined in the Hall of Fame.  Is this really how people are going to measure Jay Cutler right now?  Come on…

For one, some of those guys played in very different eras.  I fully believe that trying to compare a guy that played in the 1980s, to a guy that is playing now, is not a fair comparison.  Let alone comparing Jay Cutler to  Johnny Unitas.  I mean, that’s just ridiculous.  And another thing, their careers are over.  They played a full career.  They weren’t judged on their first 2 1/2 seasons of work.  They had an opportunity to learn, mature, grow, and of course, flourish as a QB in the NFL.  Has Jay Cutler had the opportunity to do all that in 37 games?  No.  These comparisons should never be made.  Not for any QB.

All of this was certainly thought provoking, though.  And it got me thinking about how Jay Cutler stacks up to current NFL QB superstars and how they started their careers.  That’s a fair comparison, in my opinion.  To me, the 3 best QBs in the league today are Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, and Drew Brees.  It wouldn’t really be fair to compare them and Jay Cutler straight up.  So I did some research and some number crunching on the first 37 games of their careers. So without further ado, here are the passing stats of Jay Cutler, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, and Drew Brees in their first 37 games.

Jay Cutler – 37 games
762 comp / 1220 att = 62.5%
9024 yards = 7.4 avg
54 TDs(4.4%), 37 INT(3.0%)
87.1 QB rating

Tom Brady – 37 games
739 comp / 1183 att = 62.5%
7680 yards = 6.5 avg
52 TDs(4.4%) / 33 INT(2.8%)
84.2 QB rating

Peyton Manning – 37 games
782 comp / 1305 att = 60%
9475 yards = 7.3 avg
63 TDs(4.8%) / 50 INT(3.8%)
82.4 QB rating

Drew Brees – 37 games
700 comp / 1151 att = 61%
7467 = 6.5 avg
47 TDs(4.1%) / 34 INT(3.0%)
81.1 QB rating

Now, I’m not going to tell anyone what to think.  I’m not going to say that based on these numbers, that it’s clear that Jay Cutler is on his way to having a better career.  I’m not that much of a Chicago Bears homer.  But what I will tell you, is to form your own opinion.  It’s clear that Cutler’s overall numbers are slightly better than Brady’s, Manning’s, and Brees’ over their first 37 games.  And what does that mean?  Probably not a whole lot.  But it means just as much as comparing Cutler to HOFers.  With the exception that this comparison is actually relevant.  Surely you agree with this assessment… right!?

With all that being said, why do I never hear the talking head analysts make comparisons like this?  Hmmmm?  Probably because most of the talking head analyst types half-ass their job.  And it’s more important to talk about angles and storylines, rather than actually discuss what’s going on.  Everything is a soap opera.  Even football.  What can you do?

01
Sep

The Neverending Story: Brett Frarvrer

Just when I thought it was all going to finally be over, he rears his red, unshaven face and says with his thick, hillbilly twang, “I’m back, y’all!”  And the idiot fanboys rejoiced!  And the normal non-retards said, “Noooooo!  Are you serious?”

Ugh.  You know, I don’t really care that he’s playing for yet another of the Chicago Bears bitter division rivals, The Minnesota Vikings.  I’m not afraid of a soon-to-be 40 year old QB that retired from football a long time ago, but wasn’t notified of his own retirement.  I take that back.  I am afraid of him.  I’m afraid that he’ll never leave.  He’s a football ghost.  He died a long time ago, but still roams the end zones of NFL stadiums,  haunting the NFL because he feels like his football life still has unfinished business to attend to.  He must make amends for all the times he cost the Packers a chance at the Super Bowl with an untimely interception… or 6.  Then and only then may he rest in peace and leave us non-fanboys the hell alone.

It’s like the premise of a terrible B movie.  Or hell, even your average Hollywood summer blockbuster.  Seeing as 90% of them are complete trash.  But I digress.  And this is no ghost story.  Oh no, this is very real.  And very frightening.

And the worst part?  We get to deal with “Favre Watch” again.  We get to watch the media hang on his every move and word for at least another offseason.  They’ll dig through his trash at his Hattiesburg, Mississippi home to get clues to whether or not he’s going to retire after this season.  In dramatic fashion, ESPN’s Rachel Nichols will report that while combing through his garbage can, she found what appears to be the jock strap that John Madden gave to Brett Favre that has “John + Brett 4EVER” embroidered on it, and that it appears that he may be hanging it up.

I wrote all that shortly after he announced his return.  But I’ve been too busy to finish it.  So here’s the rest that I wrote today…


After last night, the legend of the NFL’s oldest diva appears to be growing once again.  Cracked ribs.  An illegal crackback block that could have ended a young man’s career.  A screen pass for a TD(whoopdy shit).  And the fanboys say he’s still got it.  Really?  A screen pass for a TD in a preseason game?

I can almost guarantee that if Brett Favre walked out to the 50 yard line of Houston’s Reliant Stadium, dropped trou, and then squeezed out a hot shit on the field in front of the 70,191 people in attendance with every Monday Night Football camera aimed at his hillbilly, white ass… douche nozzle’s like ESPN’s Mark Schlereth would still say that Canton should scoop that steaming pile of excrement up and enshrine it in the Hall of Fame.  Then as he illegally crackback blocks Eugene Wilson and potentially shreds his knee like some good BBQ pulled pork, the talking heads will commend him on how gritty he is, and how he’s an old school, hard-nosed footballer.

Yeah, no.  He should be fined and suspended for that bonehead move.  He put Eugene Wilson’s career in jeopardy in a PRESEASON GAME.  So to all the fanboys out there, get your head out of Brett Favre’s ass.  I really hope that defenders all across the league decide to send him a message.  A message that no one else has had the balls to send him.  You pay for your mistakes just like everyone else in this league.  You are not God’s gift to football.  You’re just an old horse that should have been sent to the glue factory a long time ago.  And when you take cheapshots at defenders, expect retribution.

13
May

The old nickname resurfaces

The Orlando Tragic

Although I’m from Akron, and am ultimately a Cleveland Cavaliers fan, I can’t help but to pull for the Magic whenever they aren’t playing LeBron. But wow, it’s hard to get excited when they play.

How many times are we going to watch them build a double digit lead, then squander it in the 4th quarter with relaxed defense and questionable decision making? Apparently a lot. That’s exactly what happened last night. After dominating the Celtics from the 1st to the 4th, they let the Celtics go on a 13-0 run late in the 4th, to go up by 3 points. From there, the 2 traded fouls en route to a 92-88 Celtics victory.

Now let me touch on something here. When you’re up by 3 points at the end of a game, you intentionally foul a guy, he gets 2 Free Throws. Something just isn’t right about that. Some genius needs to come up with a good rule in that situation where you get a Free Throw and the ball if you’re intentionally fouled within the last 24 seconds of the game when you’re behind. Something! I don’t know.

Anyway, back on topic. You can’t choke against the Boston Celtics. Ask the Lakers. Garnett or no Garnett, it is inexcusable. The Magic got away with it against a sub-par 76ers team that was playing without its big man. But the Celtics are a whole different beast. Their bench is deep. And their playoff experience is even deeper. Even though many have questioned Doc Rivers’ coaching ability, after losing the team’s emotional and defensive leader in Kevin Garnett, he’s done a remarkable job of keeping his team focused and ready to battle.

The blame for all of this goes squarely on the shoulders of Orlando’s Head Coach, Stan Van Gundy. Why did Dwight Howard only attempt 10 field goals? Why did Rashard Lewis’ first points in the 4th quarter come on 2 Free Throws with less than 10 seconds remaining in the game, when he had the “hot hand” for Orlando? How do you allow your team to lose focus and intensity game in and game out? Especially in games when they should win by double digits. That’s bad coaching. And it didn’t go unnoticed by his own star player, Dwight Howard. Here is what Howard had to say after the game…

“Offensively I have to get the ball, I don’t think you are going to win a lot of games when your post player only gets 10 shots. It’s tough to get yourself going and get a lot of touches without a lot of shots. We have to do a better job with that.”

And he later went on to say…

“You’ve got a dominant player, let him be dominant.”

Can you believe the chickenbag on that kid? Questioning his coach? Yeah, I can. That’s what leaders do. They tell it like it is. They point out the problem. And they pro-actively try to fix it. When Dwight Howard publicly criticized Stan Van Gundy, he was well within his rights. Van Gundy is losing his team’s respect. He’s losing the league’s respect. He needs to fix this now. He’s making Shaquille O’neal smile, I can tell you that much. And I’m sure we’ll here all about it if the Magic lose this series.

If Dwight Howard’s words meant anything to The Orlando Magic, you’ll see an inspired team tomorrow night in Orlando. If not, they’ll be playing 18 holes at Bay Hill while LeBron and the Cleveland Cavaliers pound the Celtics’ smug faces in. And Stan Van Gundy just may get his walking papers. These epic playoff collapses have to put a sour taste into the entire city of Orlando’s mouth. Not unlike the taste of getting swept in 4 by the Houston Rockers in the 1995 NBA Finals.
Oh well, as it stands now, it looks like my Cleveland Cavaliers get a chance at revenge for last year’s Eastern Conference Semifinal. I’m okay with that. But I would have loved to walk down the street and watch the Cavs duke it out with the Magic. I might just have to deal with watching the series on my giant HD TV. Damn.

P.S. Paul Pierce, if you’re reading this, and I know you are, shave those “sideburns” off your face, please. They look like absolute garbage, man. Seriously. That’s what my sideburns looked like… in 8th grade.

08
May

Brett Favre sucks. The Vikings suck. The Packers also suck. Suck is a compliment for the Lions.

Brett Favre told Minnesota Vikings Head Coach, Brad Childress, that he is going to remain retired. I guess Childress won’t be naming his next-born child, Brett(How much do you want to bet that Eric Mangini has his kid’s name legally changed to Brady Quinn Mangini?). Back to the drawing board, Viqueens. Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosencopter get to duke it out for starting QB rights. May the least pathetic piece of trash win! This is going to be an exciting offseason battle to watch. 2 guys that aren’t worthy of scrubbing Ryan Leaf’s game-worn jock strap with their toothbrushes going head to head.

I shouldn’t be so harsh on Jackson. He played resonably well last season after Gus Frerotte went out. His QB rating was over 95. He threw for 9 TDs and only 2 INTs. And then of course, played like a complete trash bag at home against the Eagles in the playoffs. So to reward him, they bring in this guy…

Oh yeah, Minnesota! Your prayers have been answered. The Rosencopter has landed. All aboard. He’s going to fly you to the promised land.

Anyway, enough about how terrible Minnesota is. And about how much of an ignorant mullet-headed drunkard Jared Allen is. And about how Brad Childress gets no respect in this league or in his own locker room. This is about how much Brett Favre sucks.

How many more years are we going to have to deal with the Brett Favre retirement extravaganza? This endless, drawn-out, tedious saga about how much Favre LOVES the game of football too much to let it go. Whoopdy shit. I loved playing with G.I. Joes when I was a kid. But when I realized that they weren’t going to help me get laid, I let them go. Do the same, Brett. Let go. Go away.

I guess bloggers like myself only help to perpetuate the drama. But at least Sevvy is telling it like it is. I’m not waiting with bated breath to see what this hillbilly does next. Unike so many analysts and reporters talking about whether Brett is going to come back and lead the Viqueens to their first Super Bowl victory or stay at home and mow his big ole hillbilly lawn, I ultimately do not give a shit what he does. I just want to stop hearing about it. Honestly, if Favre was mowing his yard and fell off his John Deere drunk and accidentally got his throwing arm chewed off by the stainless steel mower blades, I’d be elated. Not because Brett Favre was mauled by his own riding mower, but because that would end all doubt on whether or not he was going to play professional football again. And then the media coverage would subsequently end!

Last year around this time, he was shedding tears during a Green Bay press conference. He was melting the hearts of every man, woman, and child in the state of Wisconsin. And of the countless fanbois all over this nation. Including his biggest fanboi and jock licker, John Madden. Brett was overcome with emotion. I was overcome with emotion. Not because it was sad to see him go. But because IT WAS FINALLY OVER! Because the “will he retire this year” drama had already dragged on for too many years and was finally DONE. And now look what he has become. What a sad individual. Yes, this has tarnished his legacy. But hey, at least if he changes his wishy washy mind and decides to play, we can all take solace in the fact that we will be spared from him flapping his country bumpkin gums in the ESPN studios for at least another year.

And I have to admit, I take great pleasure in knowing that the Green Bay Packers fans that once held him in the highest regard, now hate his ass just as much as we Bears fans do. :) Happy Friday, indeed. Even though this shit is probably far from over.

07
May

Matt Millen looking to destroy another organization

That’s right.  ESPN has hired Matt Millen as an “expert” analyst.  Here is the link…

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4148926

Here is the problem I have.  With clowns like Mark “I WANT DENVER INSIDE OF ME” Schlereth and Trent “the worst QB in history to win a Super Bowl” Dilfer, ESPN has already become the laughing stock of sports television.  At least in regards to their NFL coverage.  In order to repair their already tarnished NFL reputation, what do they do?  They hire the worst GM in the history of football, and arguably one of the dumbest people on the planet(SEE: any time he has opened his mouth on television or radio.  Also SEE: his draft picks).  This is not going to fix the lack of credibility that ESPN has become famous for over the last few years.

Here is what I think of Mark Schlereth and Trent Dilfer…

Who’s next?  Brian Bosworth?  Tony Mandarich?  George W. Bush(another terrible GM)?  Maybe Lawrence Phillips to report on what Rae Carruth has been up to in prison?  I can see it now…

“The fact that he played receiver in the NFL serves as nothing more than an ironic daily reminder, seeing as it’s the same position he plays on his knees in prison.  For ESPN, I’m Lawrence Phillips.  And if you don’t get up out my way, I’ll run over yo ass with my Buick.”

I have a great idea.  Maybe they can get Ryan Leaf to do a segment on Quarterbacks and their mechanics problems.  It would be great to see him pick apart Peyton Manning.  That would be some expert analysis!  Here’s an analogy for you; Ryan Leaf is to QB as Matt Millen is to GM/expert on anything related to football.  I wouldn’t even hire Matt Millen to be my equipment manager.  Yeah, that’s right.  I wouldn’t want Matt Millen to taint my jocks!  Does that qualify as double entendre?

It’s a good thing ESPN doesn’t run this country.  They would make Bernie Madoff the Secretary of the Treasury, Osama Bin Laden the Director of Homeland Security, and Hillary Clinton the Secretary of State!  But I digress.

I never thought I’d say this, but boy am I going to miss Sean Salisbury.  Yikes.  o_O

07
May

Welcome to Hell

Hell-o. Welcome to the reality of sports according to Sevvy.

In this blog, you will find the ramblings of a cynic who tells it like it is. I like to think that I’m hilarious, entertaining, and something of a genius. I’ll try my best to keep it interesting and to keep my wit as sharp as OJ’s knife, all the while complaining about anything and everything under the sun in regards to sports. I may also refer to myself in the 3rd person. Get used to it. That’s how Sevvy rolls, baby.

If you like NASCAR, golf, or women’s basketball, you’re in the wrong place. The only time NASCAR is exciting is when there are fiery car crashes or random pictures of rednecks on the internet with the number “3″ shaved into their greasy back hair. Driving 190 miles an hour for a few hours around an oval track is not a sport. The only sport to it, is having to watch it. It’s an endurance sport for spectators. But when you’re that hopped up on meth, NASCAR isn’t all that bad.  I guess it’s slightly better than peeling chunks of your face off and feeding it to your dog.

Golf is boring. The greatest thing to come out of the golf world was Fuzzy Zoeller’s racist comments about Tiger Woods and fried chicken, and that Golf Channel broad talking about lynching Tiger. Now that’s good comedy! Everything else is dreadfully boring. Thank you, Tiger, for bringing color(in more than one way) to the golf world. You’ve brought the best out in some people.

And now to Women’s basketball. The first time a tampon hit the court and no foul was called, I knew there was something wrong with the WNBA. There will be no talk of women’s sports! Even their championship games mean about as much to a real sports fan as the 2nd half a pre-season football game does. ZZZZZzzzzz!

And that’s my introduction. Get ready to hear lots of awesome opinions that are better than most everyone else’s on sports that actually matter.